Wild Geese

I ran across this poem and it made me think...especially with my current not-going-back-to-BYU-in-the-fall situation.

Wild Geese 
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.


I struggle with this concept. It's hard to internalize the fact that I don't need to be what the world wants me to be, what my friends want me to be, or even what my family wants me to be. All I need to be is who I want to be and who God wants me to be. Those are hard enough to figure out and be as it is, so I don't need the pressure to be anyone else. I can just be me.

My life, past and present (and maybe even future)

When I was in middle school and high school, I had a blog. I didn't know it as a blog then; simply as "Xanga." Check it out here. I had forgotten about it until today, randomly, so I've been reading the teenage moaning called my life. One entry made me laugh:

Sunday, February 26, 2006

so I actually only messed up once during the 2 verses of A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief that the bishop made me play... better than usual. couldn't sing along though, I haven't quite reached Ellen's level. and I don't think I can ever play the organ in sacrement. but, I'm guessing that will not be the case. tomorrow we're going to the church and "playing with balls", as sister Bahr put it, with the Bahrs. nothing very interesting happened today... I got chocolate  for my birthday (which was a few weeks ago...). Brother Prestwich said that sharing chocolate is above the celestial kingdom, and he hadn't quite reached that point. I shared most of my 1/2 lb, so does that mean I'm like above the celestial kingdom? yay... later.

Yes, I am above the Celestial Kingdom. I also sing along while playing the piano every Sunday in Sacrament Meeting, and I could probably play the organ alright if they really wanted me to. Take that former self! I've actually have proof that I've accomplished something in my life! Can't beat that feeling.

In other news, I've been kind of sort of dating a man 11 years older than me for about a month now. I like him. :)