Ode to Joy

Yeah, obviously the object of my previous post didn't ever happen.
Anyway.
Last week, I was kind of having a bit of a hard time with the tons of stress from work and school, along with the oppressive loneliness I sometimes get from living *essentially* alone. I just couldn't get past it for whatever reason, so finally I turned to the Lord. It's amazing how much that helps. At some point, a line from "Abide With Me" came to my mind:

Shine through the gloom, and point me to the skies!

It brought such joy to me that I still can't help but smile every time I think of it. We've been singing the song in choir this term, and we had finally sung through the entire song that very day. The crescendo in the line sung by the many beautiful voices of my choir in unison is so powerful. It reminds me of when we sang "You'll Never Walk Alone" with the line:

At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of the lark

Or you may remember my slight obsession with the sky, and the song "High Flight" we sang in Women's Chorus a few years ago.
The sky holds such freedom, and to be pointed to the sky after bursting through the gloom...the imagery is beautiful.
There are few things in this world that make me as happy as singing in choir at BYU, when all the choirs are combined during a concert and there are hundreds of gifted singers lifting their voices together in incredible power and beauty, following the hand of the director so perfectly in unison, sharing the deep emotion of the song.
One of the many experiences I look forward to the most is to be able to sing with thousands upon thousands in praise and joy, singing our best for the Lord in the choirs of Heaven. I hope I will be able to join in a choir like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, except everyone is at their prime and is fully devoted all the time. Perhaps that sort of thing won't exist, but if there were choirs of angels proclaiming the birth of Christ, I'm sure I can spend some of eternity lifting my voice with others. What a beautiful thing that would be!
Blue skies!

Escapé

This seems to be becoming a tradition in my life.
Here's the thing.
I love the internet, I really do. Sort of like this...

It's kind of a love-hate relationship relationship though.
In the past, I've taken breaks from Facebook or all the internet for a week or so. But this time...I'm going all out my friends. One month.
There's no way I can avoid the internet completely, so I will go online for school or church if I have to. I'll check my email, but only from my phone or one of Harold's computers. No Facebook, blogs, Pinterest, Twitter...nothing. Hmm I suppose that means I'll have to do some creative things with my phone...it's too smart for this.
Since I can't go all the way with my internet "fast," and I really want to take away all of the technological time wasters that keep me inside, I'm going to refrain from watching TV and movies alone, and keep from mindlessly playing games on my phone. I want to get out more, even if that just means laying in the grass for an hour instead of sitting in bed staring at a screen.
My only worry with this is how it will affect my general lack of a social life at the moment...but I figure I can go about things the old fashioned way.
Lights will go out starting on Saturday morning.
If you need me, you know how to reach me.
Blue skies.

Grown Up Land

At home last year, I was nannying a lot, but I still also had a lot of time to myself. Then I came back to school and was going to school full time, but again, I had a fair amount of free time.
Well.
Spring Term started yesterday. I know summer is supposed to be laid back and everything...but I've never been more busy and tired in my life (except last week during finals and when I started working). I'm working 25+ hours a week, starting at 7 am every morning, then working right up until I have class. Then class...go home...do homework...sleep. Eating sometimes happens in there somewhere. All I ever want to do these days is sleep. I moved into a new apartment, and I've taken to spending the few waking hours I have alone in my room, studying or watching a movie. I go to bed at 9:30 every night. Who does that? This girl, that's who. Having a social life might be easier if I was still living with people I'm friends with...and all my friends (and love interests haha) hadn't moved out of the ward. I feel like on the current track I'm taking (ie, being single and an antisocial hobbit), this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. I can see it now...after a long day of playing with little kids and teaching them to speak, I come home to my dogs and die randomly in my sleep...no one thinks it strange until they see the dogs with a couple of femurs and a tibia in the back yard.
I suppose this is the moment when I'm supposed to go out and be proactive...but I'm too tired.
Good night, moon.

Passion

I would imagine that most people in the United States generally like what they do. Of course it's not going to be great all the time, but for the most part, they like it. Sometimes, people have the opportunity to truly love their work. When these people with such great passion for their field teach, it's magical.
I just had my last Anatomy lecture. My professor this semester, Rachel Tomco, has been one of the best teachers I've had in my entire life. What makes her a great teacher isn't really her knowledge of human anatomy, or her friendliness, or the clarity of her teaching. These things certainly contribute, but there are a lot of professors at BYU that have all those traits as well. What she has brought to the class is her passion, her love, and her testimony of the divide creation of the human body. When she starts to talk about the first time she felt a lung, or just how incredible the hand is, it's infectious.
With a class that takes as much of a commitment as anatomy (4 hours of lecture and lab + open lab and study time every week), you come to either love it or hate it. Most people I've talked to tend to lean towards loving it - and I don't see how it could be any other way. With Rachel's contagious affection and the sheer beauty we saw in the cadaver lab, how can anyone resist the pull?
I believe that any class can have this effect on a [receptive] student, regardless of the subject matter, if the teacher is passionate enough. The teacher wants to share what she knows with her students because she wants to share with as many people as possible that which brings so much joy into her life. As a student, it's difficult not to get caught up in her passion, and so easy to share in it. I know when I've felt that passionate about something, it's pure joy to talk about and share. I wish all my teachers had had that same passion when I was growing up, and some of them did, but I think the added element of spirituality and testimony changes things and brings them to a higher level; It brings that passion to maturity and allows it to bloom freely. It lends it a foundation to grow and fall back on.
The combination of teaching both the spiritual and secular sides of everything is what I love most at BYU. If only every school, and aspect of life, could be this way.

"BYU seeks to develop students of faith, intellect, and character who have the skills and the desire to continue learning and to serve others throughout their lives."

And so it goes

The mountains are calling and I must go.
If only the weather (and finals) would cooperate...
It's incredible how quickly this semester has flown by. They always do, but this one seems to have gone faster than most. I immersed myself in Anatomy in January, and, after finishing the lab final a week ago, I finally have gotten around to stepping back and looking around. It was my life, my purpose, and now I'm purpose-less again. Except the four finals and voice recital I have in the next few weeks. Then, I'll move two doors down and start in on Advanced Writing & Rhetoric, University Chorale, and Music 101. I also desperately need a job to fill in the hours between. The job hunt is not going particularly well. I don't know what I'm going to do...
I've found that I'm happier when I don't ponder, dwell...think at all really. My thoughts are apparently a dark place. No, not completely. More like yin and yang I suppose, for without one you could not have the other. It's actually just like this post; Life is better when you live in the moment and focus on the beauty of now. Like the lovely daffodils growing all over the place! I love spring.
Anyway, Happy Easter all. What a wonderful celebration of the Atonement and life!
Blue skies.

Goings On

I know I'm a flake with that whole questions thing...I've been held up by the ten people who have influenced me question. I'm not sure I can come up with ten. Anyway.
Life is beautiful. Some days, I feel as though I could just laugh and skip and take everything into stride. Other days, my low days, I'm still happy...just quieter and more introspective. Today is an introspections type of day, with a few moments of sublime happiness from singing so freely in my voice lesson. I love to just let my voice out with power, something that only happens once a week in my lesson. I guess I'm just afraid of my neighbors' annoyance or appearing proud. How can I use this gift God gave me? A constant question on my mind.
These days, time just passes. I love life here at BYU but there isn't really anything momentous going on. No special events or trials. It's an in between time; the calm before...who knows. Looking back, this is kind of how I've always felt at school. Sure, there's midterms to ace and boys to chase...it just all seems to mundane. This semester, I've immersed myself in my studies, leaving little time for much else. I love everything I'm learning, especially anatomy, but I want more.
On a slight change of topic...usually, I'm vaguely attracted to various men. Rarely do I find someone I truly feel something for. When these men do come into my life, they seem to be so much better than I am. I find myself asking myself throughout the day "would ------- be doing this? would he like me if I was doing this?" It's always things that I want to better with anyway...it just kind of lends a face to the little voice telling me to do better. We're not supposed to change for someone, and yes I want someone to love me for who I am, not who I want to be. Yet we're also supposed to find someone that makes us want to be better. I guess the true miracle would be one of these men feeling the same way about me.

GYR: Sieben

7. What is your dream job, and why?


This one has certainly changed over the years for me...I've wanted to do everything from terraform Mars to teach high school math. There are still some jobs that I think sound great, like aerospace engineering, but I really love my current career path. The Communication Disorders major is just so interesting for me, since it combines so many things that I love: biology, language, puzzles, theories, the brain, speaking and singing, hearing...I just love it. Eventually I hope to work either in a hospital or in some sort of private practice doing early intervention, which is helping babies and toddlers learn to speak and overcome their language problems before they're very old. I'd love to somehow tie music into it all, especially singing, but that's just a dream.
What I really want to do with my life, for a few decades at least, is the best job in the world: mother. It's difficult and demanding both emotionally and physically, and requires no special schooling. That's not to say I won't use that schooling I have, and I hope to learn as much as I can about everything I can in order to help my children grow into wise and intelligent adults. Haha. I hope so. I figure once I get my masters I can probably do both once my kids are a little older. Once I have kids. Once I'm married. Once I get there.
So for now, I'm more than happy to be on my current path, towards what I never saw as my dream job until just recently.