Goings On

I know I'm a flake with that whole questions thing...I've been held up by the ten people who have influenced me question. I'm not sure I can come up with ten. Anyway.
Life is beautiful. Some days, I feel as though I could just laugh and skip and take everything into stride. Other days, my low days, I'm still happy...just quieter and more introspective. Today is an introspections type of day, with a few moments of sublime happiness from singing so freely in my voice lesson. I love to just let my voice out with power, something that only happens once a week in my lesson. I guess I'm just afraid of my neighbors' annoyance or appearing proud. How can I use this gift God gave me? A constant question on my mind.
These days, time just passes. I love life here at BYU but there isn't really anything momentous going on. No special events or trials. It's an in between time; the calm before...who knows. Looking back, this is kind of how I've always felt at school. Sure, there's midterms to ace and boys to chase...it just all seems to mundane. This semester, I've immersed myself in my studies, leaving little time for much else. I love everything I'm learning, especially anatomy, but I want more.
On a slight change of topic...usually, I'm vaguely attracted to various men. Rarely do I find someone I truly feel something for. When these men do come into my life, they seem to be so much better than I am. I find myself asking myself throughout the day "would ------- be doing this? would he like me if I was doing this?" It's always things that I want to better with anyway...it just kind of lends a face to the little voice telling me to do better. We're not supposed to change for someone, and yes I want someone to love me for who I am, not who I want to be. Yet we're also supposed to find someone that makes us want to be better. I guess the true miracle would be one of these men feeling the same way about me.