Merry Christmas

The Manger by Gertrude Kasebier

This past Sunday, I decided to read some of Luke while waiting for my ward's choir practice to begin. My family had always begun in Luke 2, but I couldn't remember the chapter so I started in Luke 1. I had never really read this chapter myself (except perhaps while half asleep in Seminary), and while the general story was not new to me, the specific verses were. Mary's reaction to the angel and the news he brought really touched me; her humility and joy at such a gift were so strong (see Luke 1:46-55, in particular 1:46-49). Luke 2:19 touched me as well and helped me to understand Mary as a person. She seems to have been soft-spoken but strong, loving, and intelligent. She was the mother of our Savior, and a role model among women. I hope one day that I can be like her, the young girl that brought Christ into the world.

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht!
Alles schläft, einsam wacht
Nur das traute, hochheilige Paar.
Holder Knabe im lockigen Haar,
Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh,
Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh.

Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht!
Hirten erst kundgemacht,
Durch der Engel Halleluja.
Tönt es laut von fern und nah:
Christ, der Retter ist da,
Christ, der Retter ist da!

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht!
Gottes Sohn, o wie lacht
Lieb aus deinem göttlichen Mund,
Da uns schlägt die rettende Stund,
Christ, in deiner Geburt,
Christ, in deiner Geburt

We're all the same in the dark

Wanna know a secret?

Sometimes, I have a hard time realizing that other people (especially people I don't know) are, well, people. Like me. They make mistakes. They get bored. They're complex. They honestly want pretty much the same things I want: happiness, security, love, laughter.

When I was younger, I'd occasionally get this idea into my head that everyone else was a robot, or simply here because of me. Is there any way we can know for sure if this isn't true? Can we know if things simply cease to exist when we aren't looking? 

We are creatures of faith. There are those that say that it's ridiculous to believe in something you can't hear, see, or touch. But then, we all have faith all of the time that someone isn't a fake, and that something does exist when we're not there. It's like the age-old saying "if a tree falls in a forest when no one is around to hear, does it make a sound?"

To all of you people out there: I have faith that you exist as a human being with feelings and wishes and pains and thoughts with or without me.

Just in case you were wondering.

The CR-48

I figure I might as well give a brief overview of what I think of this lovely machine.
It's pretty light compared to my brick, coming in at about 3.6 pounds. The CR-48 has a webcam and a microphone that I haven't really been able to test as of yet. It starts up like a dream, taking only a few seconds to turn on and get logged in. It wakes up almost immediately from standby, though lately it's been taking a bit to reconnect to the internet. This can be a problem, since all it does is connect to the internet. Beyond those few extra seconds (which is still faster than all other computers I've come across), it's darn fast, taking about two seconds to go from one page to another. I've tried watching a few shows on Hulu, which play pretty well at the normal size. Fullscreen though was actually worst at first than my normal laptop, but today it seemed fine.
A nice feature is that it comes with the CR-48 is the two years of free Verizon wi-fi access, but only up to 200 MB a month. You can sign up for a paid plan with more usage if this is not enough.
I've had a few issues with the system crashing and restarting frequently, but that's stopped since the first couple of days since I got the computer. Google has been good at fixing issues sent in through the feedback button from what I've seen. Google Talk wasn't really working over the weekend, and it had some issues while I was on the Verizon Mobile Broadband, but isn't hasn't effected me too much.
So far, this has been a good computer for those that are ready to transition to the cloud. Before I got this computer, I thought I was, as I spent most of my time online. However, there have been a few things I miss (my main laptop isn't working at the moment) about being able to go offline. I do tend to be sentimental though...and I know that's part of it. Google Docs is good for basic things, but you can't do very much; you can't even make columns. Eventually, there will need to be apps that are able to compete with things like Microsoft Office and Photoshop in features. For now though, this is fine. It is a prototype after all, and it's a big leap across the chasm to complete internet connection. I would say that one of the best parts of cloud computing so far is the ability to access everything from any computer.

Today

Today I taught piano...then came home to find two boxes on my porch addressed to me. My first thought was "maybe someone sent me a gift..." then "maybe it's something someone bought for my parents but wanted me to wrap it" then "I did order a charger...oh no! did I accidentally order two?? but these boxes are really big..." then "I really have no idea what on Earth these could be."
So I opened the first box. Inside was a sticker from Google (which I expected) and a Cr-48 Chrome notebook (which I did not expect). In the other box was...another laptop. I was kind of freaked out, to be honest. After discovering the awesomeness of the computer and some research, I discovered that I had received at least one of them from a quiz I took on Facebook to get the aforementioned sticker. I have a couple ideas about why I got the second...but yes, I love it. Their only purpose is to access the internet, and they certainly do that job well.  They're so fast. 
Then...well, back story first: about a year ago, my roommate Sarah and I made eHarmony accounts for fun. Sometimes I get matches. Today, I got an interesting match...a guy who is actually in my ward here. I'm kind of embarrassed, but I can't really do anything about it. Oh well. Maybe he doesn't check eHarmony...or his email.
It's been a good day though.
:)

A Better World

I tend to have random and extravagant ideas and plans, and, the other day, I came up with my biggest idea yet: revolutionizing the education system in America, and perhaps the world.
I've come up with some ideas to start with...I just know that there is a better way than our current age-based system. Age doesn't determine maturity or mental ability. True, it plays a large part in one's development, but it isn't the same for everyone.
Here are some of my thoughts so far (in no particular order):

How can we be taught by abilities instead of age? We place far too much importance on age. Perhaps the ages of legality should be changed from age to maturity, measured by one's progress in school, and not in the current system; but rather in the newly reformed system where everyone is grouped by maturity, speed of learning, and intellectual strengths instead of simply by age. This grouping would be much easier accomplished if we could draw from a larger pool to create the groups; instead of by area, trying by state, or even the entire country by means of the technology we have access to today. True, we can't instantly teleport to a classroom for our group every day (yet), and in-person interaction is far better than a face on a computer, but then, we can start with what we have. The newly created need for faster transportation,  and better technology in general, combined with the new brain power of those educated by this new system, would create a push for this all to be invented. It would create a golden age in America; a period of unprecedented growth. Other nations would begin to adopt this system, and the world would flourish.

Not only would it change and improve the way we learn, but it would cause unprecedented intellectual, economical, and personal growth across America, and the world.

In a way, it's like going back to the schoolhouse system, where everyone was educated by ability instead of age.

It's true that there are some things everyone needs to know:

Reading

Writing

Basic math

Basic music skills (piano -- aids development in other areas of life)

But we must change the way we teach these basics to everyone (regardless of age)

In the beginning…we are all infinitely creative. Our growth before school is done at home, where we play and imagine and learn through creative outlets. The early childhood grades slowly phase out this creative learning for more industrial, boring learning: public education.

Some interesting thoughts from others:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc&feature=channel

The rest of my ideas are in an audio format, which I'll transcribe...eventually.

I have a lot of learning to do, research to do, ideas to develop, people to talk to, and, well, hundreds of other things that I don't know about yet. 

How would you test a child's abilities? What would you be testing for? When would you test?

It should be a long and complicated process.

But I want to do it.

I really think it could change the world.

Hp 65w AC adapters

My third one since I got my laptop in 2008 died today.


I'm not happy, Bob. Not happy.

Individuality

it's encouraged, but only within boundaries.

For example...

we're all supposed to be outgoing, friendly, social. I'm introverted though, so this can be difficult for me. So do you do what society desires of you, or do you make an effort to be yourself?

I ran across an interesting article recently called "The Ophelia Syndrome." It discusses how to foster creative thinking in an environment that discourages it. I really enjoyed it.

Now I'm off to Wal-Mart in an effort to get a DS Lite for a Christmas present...hooray for Black Friday!

On the road again

Sooo.......I'm going to Utah this week. Which is great. It might be a little weird at first...just because I'm visiting my school, my roommates who are living with different people...a life that isn't mine anymore.
The thing is, lately I've been kind of wondering if I even want to go back at all (next spring---not to visit. don't worry. I'm still coming). I'm tired of all of this change every few months. Sometimes, I just want to stay here and get married. Then I could plan for the future and finally just get on with my life. All of the stress of choosing a major, auditioning for choir, finding somewhere to live, dumb roommate fights...I'm done with it. I do want to go back, and finally be in Singers, live with my friends and everything that made me happy; but I guess I need to decide if it's worth it. Would I be ok with giving it up?
I don't know anymore. I guess that's what prayer's for...

but what if God tells me I shouldn't go back?
*sigh*
decisions, decisions.

((can't wait to visit on Thursday!))

A place to call my own

For most of my life, I've believed that I should have been born in a different time period...maybe a few centuries ago. I would have been a rather accomplished young woman in most time periods, with my varying interests and quiet disposition...but I'm stuck here.
For the past little while, I've longed for one thing from years gone by: solitude.
I don't mean just going to my room or even being in a house; I mean real, complete solitude. Away from civilization and the world...
There are few places I can think of where the chances of running into another person are almost nothing while not trespassing at the same time. Everywhere belongs to someone, whether an individual or the government. Why can't we have somewhere that belongs to no one? I guess it wouldn't work out in this day and age.
I'm looking for a place...a secluded meadow in a forest, with flowers in the spring. A place where I could go when I just want to escape. A place to stargaze on dark summer nights. A place to find peace on a crisp winter morning, the grass and trees covered with a fresh, undisturbed blanket of snow.
I guess I want my own version of Walden Pond, though I'm not sure I want to spend years there. Rather, days, hours, seconds.
Moments of peaceful stillness.
No cell phone signal.
No fences and signs.
No iPods.
Just...silence. Birds chirping. Deer crunching in the snow. The sound of my breathing.
Just me and nature.
And God.

Updates

I haven't written about my life lately...so here's wassup
I've been making Christmas cards almost constantly for the past three days...my mom and I decided to make Etsy businesses, so greeting cards are mine. I should get some of them up tomorrow (hopefully), so check my shop out when you've got the chance.
I've rediscovered that oftentimes logic and reality don't coincide. Sometimes...you have to take a leap of faith and accept the truth, then God will fill in the gaps.
I love fall. It's my favorite season. It only lasts a couple of weeks here...but I love it. It hasn't snowed yet, oddly enough.
Even with my love of the beautiful Colorado autumn, I wish I wish I wish it was Christmas. I've wanted it to be Christmas for at least two months already...I absolutely adore Christmas with all of my heart. Can it be here yet?
It's amazing how two piano students can have completely different issues. It's also amazing how easily seven year olds are distracted.
I miss BYU.
I finally did something I've been needing to do for a VERY long time. Years. and more years. I'm glad I got it over with.
Did you know you can add scents to embossing powder? Cinnamon Christmas cards, here I come.
I've had terrible insomnia for the past week or so...mine brain just won't shut up. Over nothing.
I love math.
and engineering.
and music.
and art.
and life.

Freeware

The internet has become an interesting thing...it's own entity (also see this one and this), with it's own laws.
Governments think they can control it, but nothing can contain the vastness of this land of Internet.
Within this new world, social norms have been broken: sex, stalking, and free stuff run rampant.
I suppose, in a way, this is the digital form of anarchy.
Does anyone else find it strange that so much of the things online are free?
There is free entertainment (games, movies, tv shows), free education, free news...there are even free programs and applications for computers, along with everything that goes with it. There's free art, free music...you can even become a minister for free!
Outside of the internet, most of these luxuries are not available so freely. People rarely shared any of the things that are shared online with many people for free before the internet became such a large part of society.
So this begs the question...what on Earth does this mean??
It means that we don't need what we currently have: laws. Not anarchy...just less laws. "That government is best governs least," after all. Many people in this country, and world, have discovered what it's like to freely share with others; you don't have to worry about paying anyone or getting paid for something that you really just want to share.
So do we even need money anymore?
Yes. Not everyone has pure intentions online...most have pretty darn pure intentions, with some selfish gain involved (look awesome I am at music/art/writing/sports/etc!). We're only human; we're naturally selfish beings. However, we might be on the road to living in a moneyless society. Not communism...Just naturally giving and receiving without greed. Ok...maybe communism in its purest, least corrupt form. Or the Law of Consecration, in a realistic way for today's society.
The internet has become a piece of Utopia, and a piece of Hell. It's the only place where almost anyone can speak completely freely.
It's my favorite place in the world.

Remember Remember

I watched Remember the Titans a few days ago, and it really got me thinking about racism.
We have a racism problem in our country, but it's different than ever before: not only are whites against blacks and blacks against whites, but many are racist towards others of their own race as well.
In America, we have many cultures coming together, forged into a new culture. Every other nation has had the ability to evolve into what they are now, but America has completely chosen its destiny. The problem is, this is difficult when there are so many competing inherited ideas.
Now, it is great to embrace and respect our own and others' cultural heritage. It is a defining characteristic of most people. However, Americans, especially white Americans, have no cultural heritage, as our forefathers sought to forge their own past, present, and future, separate from the world. It's true, I could get in touch with my German, Swedish, French, and British roots, and I want to. However, most white Americans don't particularly care about their heritage. Because of this, many whites find it somewhat difficult to respect others' cultures. Yes, it's cool and fun to watch and experience other cultures, but it doesn't really matter that much. Let's go see a movie.
The cultures existing inside the U.S. have come to cling to one another. Many have decided that it should define an individual to the point that it controls one's ideas, beliefs, and goals. As part of the founding ideals of America, though, we believe in individualism; that every one is entitled to his or her own views, regardless of socioeconomic status, religion, or race. This isn't to say that someone can't choose to embrace the ideas of their culture or religion (I strive to live the ideals of my religion in all areas of my life), but because of the push for individual recognition and the idea that everyone should be defined by their culture, there has become a clash of ideas in this country. There has come to be a fine line between having cultural influences in one's life and racism.
There shouldn't be hatred or scorn towards those that choose paths different from those of their typical cultural or religious ideals.
An easy way to completely rid the world of racism is to completely eradicate culture. Instead, let's embrace the individual with their culture, with no stereotypical judgments based on beliefs, ideas, or color.
It's worth a shot.

We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

~The Articles of Faith of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, by Joseph Smith

Weeks

I spent about 178 hours without the internet a few weeks ago. I didn't even turn on my computer. Ok...I did actually go onto my mom's computer once to get a recipe for dinner, but that doesn't really count. I relied a lot on ChaCha for information...which didn't help when I ran out of questions.

Truthfully, the first few days were really, really hard. Every time I was bored, I'd go to get online...but no. On Tuesday I didn't even have access to the internet, which was good. By the end of the week, I was just curious about what I was missing, but I didn't need to get online. Instead...I actually did things.

I went to the library on Monday

Spent the day soul-searching on Tuesday, including a 20 minute, bare-foot walk home when I got locked out of the condo where I was without my keys, shoes, or phone.
I finally painted my room.
My mom's homeschool class reenacted the battle of Gettysburg with squirt guns on Thursday.
I decided to learn how to tune pianos.
Basically, the week helped me learn that the internet, and computers, really need to be more of a tool than a source of entertainment in my life. I rely too much on them.
(I know this is really late...but I've been sidetracked. I'm trying to post old things today that never got posted for whatever reason)

Freedom

For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return.

~Leonardo da Vinci

For a while now, I have felt a deep, inexplicable yearning to fly. I love flying in planes, but this…this is different. More. I look up on a perfectly clear day, and feel joy at the mere thought of soaring through the intense blue of the sky. I see myself gliding with the wind, dancing with the birds, and twisting through the clouds. I would give anything to laugh in the rain or fall with the snow, the crystalline flakes collecting in my hair.
I used to dream of falling…then missing the ground and soaring to great heights with a freedom unseen in my waking life. I can only imagine the joy I’d feel if my flight were reality.

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee
No 412 squadron, RCAF
Killed 11 December 1941

Oh, that I were a bird...

This is what I'm thinking

So I found a cool website (http://rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com) that inspired me. Well...it helped an idea already in my head.
Basically, I'm going to take a vacation.
No, I'm not going anywhere. It's from the internet. It's sort of become my life these past few months, so I'm going to take a week off.

What I want to do:
Meditate, pray, and fast for 24 hours straight. Ok...there might be some sleeping in there. But you get the idea. Completely alone.
Finish painting my room. There are only two walls...so it shouldn't be too hard.
Finish some paintings I've started
Figure out my monetary needs
Christmas presents!
Spend a lot of time outside. It was my main source of peace in Utah, and I've abandoned it. I need to get back to it.
Start wogging. I fail at running.
Play some of the video games I have, computer, wii, and game boy. I love them. don't judge.
Do math!
Record some songs I've been meaning to record...including my entry for Eric Whitacre's Virtual Choir. Which I will need to go online for...hmm...maybe not this week then. But I can practice!
Do something to get more politically involved/informed. Colorado's state government sucks, and we're voting on some interesting measures next month.
Read two excellent books. Unless the book's really long...then only one.
Finish the 1500 piece puzzle my mom and I started today.
Watch Amazing Grace. Because I love that movie.

I suppose I should copy this list so I don't have to go online to get it...

True Story.

Love

50 questions

My casual addiction, stumbleupon, has brought me to yet another wonderfully inspiring website. It's based on a book called "Live What You Love," and it has 50 questions to ask yourself in order to help yourself discover what you really love. So I've decided to answer these questions, here for you, today. Or perhaps I'll expand this into multiple posts. Or even a whole blog! Hmm...the possibilities. Well, I'll start with the first question for now:

1. How do you really feel about what you are doing right now at this exact moment?

At this exact moment, I'm sitting in my Sunday clothes with my laptop on my lap typing up this post. I also have Facebook and the wonderfully inspiring website open in other tabs. It's 9:36 pm on a Sunday. Now, how does this make me feel? I'm pretty indifferent about it. This skirt is extremely comfortable, but my computer is getting low on battery, so I should probably go downstairs to my room and plug it in. Right now though, I'm comfortable. I'm not disappointed about what I'm doing, and I'm glad that I'm writing on my blog. I should post more, as I'd probably get better at it. I used to write in a journal, but it's been hard for me lately. There's either too much to write or not enough. Especially the not enough...so then I go into my thoughts about my life and it all goes downhill from there. So what I'm doing right now is good. I could probably be out socializing with my ward, but I don't know what they're doing. I prefer doing this. So what I feel right now about what I'm doing at this exact moment is pretty much indifference, with a slight joy from doing something productive.

Ok. So mentioning my ward reminded me. Today, my bishop got up and said that he's excited for the fall and for our ward as it currently is (all of the college kids left in the past couple of weeks). Then he challenged (or was this a commandment?) all of the guys in our ward to go on a date this week. He knew that this caused many men to panic, but they need to do it anyway. He mentioned how he'd recently spoken with a bishop that set the people in his ward up. He also said that if people didn't start going on dates, he'd have to follow in that bishop's footsteps. Now, I'm not sure if this was a joke or a threat. Bishop Calvert can be pretty serious sometimes. It's just funny how much dating and marriage get mentioned here...more than at BYU, if that's possible. 

This may have something to do with all of the single 30-somethings.

nah.

Happiness

"Men are, that they might have joy"

Once upon a time, I was suspended. This was a new experience for me, and I didn't really know what to do. I was extremely happy at school (which actually contributed to the bad grades...shh), and I really didn't want to go home, where I had few, if any, friends. I spent the entire summer wallowing in misery, half-heartedly trying to make something of my pathetic existence. What was the point in trying if I had failed so completely?
Last Monday, I was wandering the non-fiction section of the library when I randomly picked up a book called "The Happiness Project." Since I was so unhappy, I figured I might as well give it a go. I checked it out, went home, and started reading.
Wow. This book was wonderful. It's about this woman who isn't particularly unhappy, but she wasn't exactly happy either. So she decided to spend a year trying to do little things to make her happier. Her year inspired me. It took me two days to finish the book, and while I was reading on the second day, lying in the grass behind my house, I got an unexpected phone call from Dr. Staheli. I was just plain shocked for a while...a few days actually. It wasn't a big deal...but it kind of was. For me, anyways. I've always wanted to be in Singers, and I could have been in it if I hadn't been suspended. I was both sad and happy...kind of a weird combination. That night, I went to the library again and picked up Brandon Sanderson's new book, which was 1000 pages long. A good way to spend the rest of my week, I figured. He's become one of my favorite authors. Well, the book itself was alright, and Wednesday was mediocre. Sonic did have 1/2 price cream slushes though. Those things are heavenly. Thursday was ok, and Friday...well, I went to Brandt's football practice the whole time and replied to a rather offensive letter I received from a missionary that day, then found out my dear choir friend, Rachel Lynn Brown, got into Singers. I was, and am, overjoyed. She really deserves it, and she is a wonderful person. It made me so happy that she got in. Saturday was three hours in the hot sun at Brandt's first football game, in which he was awesome. That night I watched BYU's first game of the season, which we WON!
Now, none of this is particularly awesome. In fact, some of it could be just plain horrible. However, this past week something changed within me. Something is not the same (sorry...). I became happy. Now, I can't really say any of the aforementioned things made me happy. They made me happier. No, what made me happy was what always makes me happy: God. I decided to put my trust in God, and to give up some rather terrible habits of mine. In return, He made me happy. And I've been beyond wonderful ever since.
This past Sunday, I actually talked to people at church. Weird. And this Saturday I'm going to the Air Force - BYU game! So excited.
Oh yes. One of the best days I've had in a while was when I got up at 6:30 in the morning (I usually get up at ten. or later.) and went and worked for a one day thing. I was in the best mood.
So I've decided to get up early every day and go jogging. Or walking. God has blessed me immensely, and everything is so much clearer. A week ago, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. Now, I have goals! I've made decisions about what to do. My main goal for the future is simply to get back to BYU, and get into Singers next fall. This goal brings a few other things into focus...such as the big marriage issue. I hadn't really known what to do about that, since most people in my ward are over 28, but now I really don't want to get married until I get back to school. This is big for me. It makes me less depressed over being alone.
Oh! And. I'm not sure I want to major in Math Ed anymore. Sad, I know. But my new major...it makes me so excited. There's a problem with it though, and that's my grades. Those buggers. It takes good grades to get into this major: Mechanical Engineering! Yay! I'd looked into it before (multiple times, actually), but either my parents or the guy/girl ratio scared me off. The thing is, what I think about in the shower (I have it from a good authority that what you think about in the shower is what you should major in) is inventing. My creativity, as discussed before, comes in the form of the sciences. I've come up with some awesome inventions in my time...and I would love mechanical engineering. To design airplanes...that's my dream. T'would be wonderful.

Oh! And I bought THE most awesome toy today. Buckyballs. Check them out.

I'm happy.

:)

O_o

so...today Dr. Staheli, the director of BYU Singers, called me.
He asked if I was going to be at BYU this semester.
So I said no, but I'd be back next year.
He said he'd look for me next year.

what does this even mean?

Summer days, driftin away

What I love:
my dog curls up under the piano whenever anyone plays, even Emily's piano students

What I hate:
people calling from numbers I don't recognize and not leaving a message

Also...

This was on the back of my meal ticket at the Flying W Ranch this weekend:

I do not choose to be a common man.

It is my right to be uncommon—if I can. I seek opportunity—not security. I do not wish to be a kept citizen, humbled and dulled by having the state look after me. I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed.

I refuse to barter incentive for a dole. I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence; the thrill of fulfillment to the still calm of utopia.

I will not trade freedom for beneficence nor my dignity for a handout. I will never cower before any master nor bend to any threat.

It is my heritage to stand erect, proud and unafraid; to think and act for myself, enjoy the benefit of my creations and to face the world boldly and say, this I have done.

All this is what it means to be an American.

— “My Creed” by Dean Alfange

Creativity

After reading other people's blogs (namely my two BYU friends'), I have discovered that I'm not very poetic. I do find beauty in simple things, and I would rather relax in the shade on a warm day than sit inside, and I'm painting a picture.....but my soul is not artistic. Most people seem to associate talent in the arts will creativity, but I am here to tell you that this is fallacious. Yes, fallacious.
My entire life, I've been pretty darn good in music, writing, and art. I can sing like a lark, write like Cummings, and paint a rather life-like portrait. Well, almost. The thing is, people expect creativity to automatically come with these gifts. Experience and headaches have shown me that I cannot write a song. I've written some lyrics before...but they're not worthy of sharing. Believe me. And I paint from pictures. People like Whistler are geniuses to me. I have two ideas on why creativity might be tied to artistic talent in most people's minds:
Creative people are generally drawn to the arts. If they're not drawn to the arts, they're usually steered there. The arts are the perfect outlet for creativity, though most other areas benefit greatly from creativity. The arts embody creativity...right?
Also, the arts and creativity and you know, all the cool stuff in life, are tied to right-brain activity in popular culture. This isn't actually completely true...but if most people think it so, then it must be. Right? I tend to use both sides of my brain equally, at least according to a quiz I took on Facebook once.
The thing is, I have an analytical, technical mind. There's a reason I love math! I suppose it is a kind of creativity, just not one associated with my more...noticeable...abilities. The thing is, creativity isn't really something I miss. Sure, I wish I could write a song about my feelings or even just memorize a song, but I can enjoy the works of others by playing or getting inspired from them.
To quote one of my favorite movies that I watched last week, "the receptive nature of the creative facility just astounds me."

Montana + No TV

Haha it's been exactly a month since I last updated.
So I kinda have a job answering questions on ChaCha. It's kinda cool because I get to learn interesting things, like last night I learned that the International Space Station only travels over a certain part of the US, and I live in that certain part! It passes over Denver almost every day, so I'm going to go look for it tonight. I'm so excited. Oh wait. I can't. IT'S CLOUDY. Ugh. I'll have to remember tomorrow.
And I'm tutoring a girl for the ACT! We're setting it up right now, so hopefully it all works out because I'll make a lot of money. It'll be great. Except I have no idea what I'm doing...how do I tutor for a test that I didn't even study for? Oh well. I'll figure it out. Practice tests. Haha.
So my family was in Montana for the 4th of July and for my uncle's wedding. I love Montana. It's like a different country sometimes...at least with my family. I'm pretty sure my great aunt and all of her progeny don't own anything nicer than cargo shorts. It's also kind of awkward when your fifteen year old cousin flirts with you. Always fun times in Montana. :)

Playing baseball on the 4th-from left to right:

My sister Emily, my second cousin Sebastian (the flirt), Barkley, my future aunt's cousin's child, my dad, my future aunt's dad, and my grandma

the show!

the place where they had the wedding was gorgeous

Eddie and Amanda

Three of my uncles

I love this cake :)

Green

My mom gets "Martha Stewart Living," and her July issue came in the mail today. I was looking through it, and there was an article about gardening in Pennsylvania. There were so many pictures of, well, green. I miss green. The East is so beautiful with it's greenery covering every inch. In Georgia much of it was Kudzu, but it was still beautiful. There are those that would argue that Colorado is green...ish. It has its own beauty in the expansive sky, and the mountains as well, but far from where I live. The green here is a pale comparison to the eastern United States. And Germany...I miss Germany the most. In the East, much of the green is from growth like Kudzu, but in Germany, it's all just trees. Trees were everywhere in the Taunus. I miss trees. I miss the low cloud cover, and the beautiful lightning storms we could see from our high vantage in the hills.
I wish I had appreciated Germany more when I lived there. I had the opportunity of a lifetime: an international ward and an international school. I went to school with students from all over the world, and heard their views on the Iraqi war when it started. I had the chance to see the war from a different point of view: the world's view of us, America, the most powerful nation in the world. But I was twelve, thirteen, fourteen...and I wasted it.

Coloring

So I went to the library today with my family and one of the books on display was The Color of Style. I checked it out for fun, and now I know what colors are best for me. Great, right? If only I could afford new clothes to match this. The colors suggested were to be worn in different situations, such as romantic, relaxation, and professional. As well as this, I found that I'm an "antique winter." This is associated with things such as musk, organdy, and James McNeill Whistler, an American artist I actually know a lot about from one of my Humanities classes last year. He was a revolutionary painter that really started the abstract movement. My favorite is "Nocturne in Black and Gold: the Falling Rocket" (the public insisted on the second part, he wanted his art to be viewed purely for the way the color worked together).

Deutschland

There are a lot of families in my family's ward here in Parker that have some sort of connection to Germany. Well, not a lot...but a good amount. Most of the families are connected to Germany through a mission, unsurprisingly. My family has made some strong connections with those in our ward that share our German love (also unsurprisingly...), and so we decided that we should have a German party.
It was probably one of the most random assortments of people in my ward, but we had a good time. Everyone brought some German essen, which was delicious. Our feast included: Rouladen, Spaetzle (which I made with my mad skills), Goulash, boiled potatoes, cucumber salad, and german potato salad. Not to mention dessert...basically, I forced myself to deal with my tooth pain to be able to enjoy this wonderful feast. We then spent the evening listening to stories of Germany...it made me really miss it.
Maybe I'll take off the whole year.
Maybe I'll go on a mission.
Who knows...

Music Videos

Music videos are so strange sometimes. They often have nothing to do with the lyrics of the song they're supposed to represent. Owl City and Lady Gaga have some pretty odd ones these days. I've seen some literal interpretations of some of the weirder videos, and these are my favorites. I wish the other ones that are on YouTube were as funny as these, but I guess you can't have everything.
Enjoy!

Provo

Tonight is my last night in Provo for over seven months.
And what am I doing?
Sitting on the couch, alone in my apartment, vegging.
I suppose there are a few reasons for this...a lot of my friends here are gone, and I did go and hang out with Abe and Matt yesterday. I went over and said hi to Alan today. I'd go over to apartment 31 again, but I just feel like I'm intruding. Since I'm not very good at being social. ugh. I tried though. I did.
It's been awkward since I got back...both Veronica and Quyen, my only two roommates, have boyfriends. Veronica and her Brandon are a little...creepy...in our apartment. He keeps hair gel and a toothbrush in our bathroom. Um. so. awkward. Oh, and today this girl came and looked at the apartment (I'm trying to sell my contract). She was Brazilian and didn't speak much English, so her boyfriend was there helping her.
Half my friends from high school are married now. Many in my single's ward in Parker are dating or engaged. I look on Facebook and see one of my friends telling everyone to take the Project 52: Date Nights challenge. Argh......being single sucks sometimes. I miss having single friends closer to me. It's less noticeable.

and I didn't have to worry about Brandon coming into the bathroom while I was taking a shower.

Mathematics

I love math. I'm a Math Education major, and it's wonderful. The way the numbers fit so perfectly into simple equations astounds me. The existence of numbers like Pi is to me a miracle. To me, math proves that God exists. How can such perfect numbers and ratios exist in nature otherwise? This video called Nature By Numbers shows how incredible it all is.



Nature by Numbers from Cristóbal Vila on Vimeo.

There are other things like The Hailstone Sequence that completely astound me. How can things like that always be true?
Math is perfection. Isn't it beautiful?


Mandelbrot Fractal Set Trip To e214 HD from teamfresh on Vimeo.

I must admit, the view from where I sit has been rather grey.

I had this dream last night of someone I miss dearly...It was the best experience I've had since I left Utah. Why did I get out of bed? The two of us were so happy together, which is something that never actually happened in reality. My imagination is the only place I can be with him. He's just so perfect for me, but apparently I'm not what he's looking for.
Oh well.
I'm watching Pride & Prejudice for the millionth time. It gives me both hope and despair, however odd it seems. I love it though...even if it is the shorter version. It's far more romantic that the long one, which is something I need right now. What a beautiful era...we've lost a lot of beauty and honor with the feminist movement. I dislike this. I'm not a romantic in the usual way, but I adore romance when it is more...personalized? Clever? Well, for example, in the movie Stranger Than Fiction the main character gives the woman he likes, who is a baker, flours. Isn't that sweet? It made me cry.
If I can't have someone else, I've decided just to become the best me and if no one likes me then, then obviously the world has no taste.

Free

I have to say...Colorado really does have the prettiest sky-scapes. I love the sky.

Purpose

I read a book today called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I learned While Editing My Life. It was about creating stories and memories. I've come to realize that I don't remember much about my life. I never did anything of note...I have no reason to really have memories. The author, Dan, realized that he had the same problem, and so he decided to create memories, to create stories. I want to do that. I want to do something with my life. The thing is, he has something that I don't: money. There are things I can do without money, but not much. I can't get anywhere. I wish I could be a child again, and find adventures in my own backyard. 
I need to get away. I need to escape for a few days. This is something I'd want to do with a good friend or a significant other, but my friends are far away and the second... I can't though. I want to go to the Pacific Northwest, to the beach. I want to go to New England and see America's history. Those are the only two places I can go in the United States to get away from my life...a downfall of having lived everywhere. I just want a vacation from life. 
The other day I found a list of tips for life on stumbleupon. One particularly struck me:

Envision your ultimate life. What would your ultimate life be like? Where would you live, what would you do, what would you do with your days? Come up with a clear picture of this, and write it down. Now, one step at a time, make it come true.

 I want to do this. There have been so many distractions lately though...I really need to get away from everything to do it. I need a goal in life. I got lost somewhere along the way, and now I'm looking to get back. But to where? That is the question.

Personal Freedoms

Five high schoolers were sent home because they were wearing American Flag shirts on Cinco de Mayo. There were apparently Mexican-American students that were offended by this, saying that they wouldn't wear Mexican flag shirts on the Fourth of July. This makes me angry. Incredibly angry. Well, um, we're in the United States. We're American. We don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo here. It's like saying that Mexicans in Mexico aren't allowed to wear Mexican flag shirts on the Fourth of July. They don't celebrate, or even care about American Independence Day there, and we don't care if they care. It has nothing to do with them, just as Cinco de Mayo has nothing to do with us. We don't celebrate other countries' holidays here. We celebrate American holidays. The students that were offended have no right to demand that we comply with their country's holiday. THIS ISN'T MEXICO. They can celebrate their holiday, but it isn't something we have to care about. I do respect the holiday though, personally. I respect other people's holidays, however, this isn't something that the government should force on people. It's like the whole politically correct crap all over again. We should be a nation of tolerance, but we can't take it too far. We are granted the freedom of speech in the Constitution, which includes the right to not care about other country's holidays. 

I should start complaining about people not recognizing Pioneer Day. That's an American holiday.

Today

Got rejected for another job today.
But I did just learn an awesome card trick from StumbleUpon.
Win lose.

Family Wards

The Auburn Hills Ward is a completely different beast than my singles ward...church is a completely different experience.
There are around 250 kids in the primary, and so sacrament meeting is never even close to quiet. Luckily my family always sits in front...I can't even imagine what the noise is like in the back. It takes twelve deacons to pass the Sacrament. There were a lot of people gone today (we only took up half the gym past the overflow), so it only took about twenty minutes. If everyone's there...my sister says that they regularly have eighteen deacons passing. Gospel Doctrine was pretty empty for a ward this size, since everyone has a calling in Primary. My parents are among the oldest ten couples in the ward-they're 44. There were five or six babies born in the past month, and there was a baby blessing today...they're trying to spread them out. There was also a double baptism yesterday, and there was a new family read into the ward today. Every time I go home I recognize less and less people, since there's usually at least one new family each week and I haven't been home in four months. The thing is, they can't split the ward since most of the ward is under the age of ten. Did I mention we have three nurseries? My ward is like a teenage boy that just hit his growth spurt...except that this growth spurt has lasted since before my family moved in. The Auburn Hills Ward was created two years before my family moved in, and we've been here for three years now. We're considered an older family.
My ward is like going to a different church after my BYU ward. Weird.

Home

"Where are you from?"

This is a simple question, easily answered by most. It would never be considered a difficult question by, oh, 99% of the world.

I hate this question. I fall into that less than 1% of the world that doesn't have a hometown. I never know what to say. There are multiple ways I can answer...my favorite is simply "heaven." I usually say something along the lines of "everywhere," but that gets people asking questions. 

I'm sort of from Denver...this is where my family lives, but I only lived here for a year before I left. I don't have friends here, and even though I know Parker like the back of my hand, I really don't feel at home here. Driving around Parker today made me realize how much of a visitor I really am in my family's town. I know Mission Viejo just as well, and that feels more like home to me. And so...I can't say I'm from Parker. 

Sometimes people say that I'm from where I lived the longest. Well...I lived in Utah until I was six. That's the longest by far...somehow I don't think that counts. I'm also not that keen on the idea of telling people I'm from Provo.

Others say that I should claim my favorite place of residence as home - Germany was definitely my favorite, but I was only there for two years in middle school. I don't think I can really claim somewhere I haven't been in six years as home.

So where am I from? Nowhere. If I stay in Provo long enough, maybe I'll start claiming that as home eventually. Except...I'm not from Provo. I'm not from Colorado. I'm not from Georgia. I'm not from Germany. I'm not from Las Vegas. I'm not from Texas. I'm not from Carson City. 

Home is where the heart is...so your real home's in your chest. :)

Harmony

Harmony is such a weird concept...how does it work that certain frequencies sound better when paired with others? I know that the waves coexist better in a harmony...but why? And how on Earth does dissonance sound good in Eric Whitacre's music, but not in other music? That man is a genius I tell you. Harmony...so strange.

Summer Days

School ended, finals are over, and all of my roommates are moved out besides Veronica, and she's staying for the summer. It was so quiet last night...it was so strange to the usual noise of Emily, Chanda, and Jenae. Today one of the new roommates has been moving in, Quyen. Our apartment is certainly going to be a quiet one this summer.
I was talking to a friend yesterday and he was telling me how he had all of these ideas he want to try and implement when he had free time and when he graduates. This came up because I mentioned that I would be bored at home over the summer...I don't really have any hobbies. I like reading, painting, singing, gaming...but I don't really ever have any "projects" per say. I don't really have any goals or ideas or plans. I need to find something to do with my life...any suggestions?
I was thinking that during the summer I should make all of the recipes I've found on stumbleupon that sound delicious. How's that for a start?

Spring :)

“To live content with small means;
to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion;
to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich;
to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart;
to study hard;
to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never;
in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common –

this is my symphony.”

–William Henry Channing (1810-1884)


I found a website on stumbleupon that is along the lines of My Life is Average, but has a much deeper meaning. It's called Makes Me Think.

I took pictures today of the beautiful walk to my Family History Final today

Glee started again tonight, to the complete bliss of my dear roommate. They played a song by Lionel Richie that I really liked, called "Hello."

I've been alone with you inside my mind 

And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times 

I sometimes see you pass outside my door 

Hello, is it me you're looking for? 

I can see it in your eyes 

I can see it in your smile 

You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide 

'Cause you know just what to say 

And you know just what to do 

And I want to tell you so much, I love you ... 

I long to see the sunlight in your hair 

And tell you time and time again how much I care 

Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow 

Hello, I've just got to let you know 

'Cause I wonder where you are 

And I wonder what you do 

Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you? 

Tell me how to win your heart 

For I haven't got a clue 

But let me start by saying, I love you ... 

Hello, is it me you're looking for? 

'Cause I wonder where you are 

And I wonder what you do 

Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you? 

Tell me how to win your heart 

For I haven't got a clue 

But let me start by saying ... I love you

I really liked that song. Pretty much sums up how I feel. All the time.