New Waves

It's been a while!
New things:

Not only did I start dating someone shortly after my last post...but we're engaged! Kyle Bryant and I are going to be married on December 14th. Crazy, huh?

My freshman year, I made some goals for my life. Every once in a while, I'll think of them, but not really pay attention. They were an 18-year-old's goals, after all. What were they? Well...

• Get into BYU Singers
• Have children
• Get married to the "perfect man" in the Newport Beach, California Temple
• Gain Eternal Life
• Live in Southern California
• Have a guy sing to me
• Be thin
• Go to space
• Spend December in Germany
• Graduate from BYU
• Knit a sweater
• Be in a musical
• Fly

Added later were:

• Revolutionize education
• Found a town

While some of those are a heck of a lot closer than they were four years ago, none of them have actually come to pass. A lot of them aren't quite as important to me anymore, as well. 

Will I get into Singers next year, my last year at BYU? Probably not. However, I'd much rather graduate next year than make time for something that, while I know it would make me happy, isn't worth the time and money anymore. Kyle is perfect, for me, and we're getting married here in Utah (something I certainly never wanted), and I'm fine with that. Eternal life is a rather long-term goal, and living in California will probably never happen - and I don't really want it to. I doubt Kyle will ever sing to me, but I love him just the same. Maybe one day I'll be "thin," but I really just want to be healthy. Go to space I wanna go to space space spaaaaaaaaace. Probably not going to happen. When we have more money and time, perhaps Kyle and I will go to Germany; I'd certainly love that. Graduating will happen in a year and a half! Finally. I can't stand knitting, so I doubt I'll ever knit a whole sweater. I'd have to start singing again to be in a musical, and as for flying...maybe one day.

My last two goals are simply idle dreams and ideas of a suspended college girl, never to come to pass. There are more important things for me to do with my life.

And so what are my goals now that I've (almost) achieved that goal every BYU freshman girl longs for - marriage? A little more different, a little more focused, a little more Kyle.

• Be the best me I can be
• Always be a student
• Have children with Kyle
• Serve a mission with Kyle
• Graduate!
• Visit Germany with Kyle
• Be a great mom
• Teach my children to sing and play the piano
• and, of course, gain Eternal life

Veritas

Last week, I said that I wanted to research and better build my own beliefs in a variety of topics this summer. I mentioned a discussion we had in my English class last term about truth and moral relativity, and I realized that, even with moral relativity, my views tended to waffle. So, I figure that the first week should be about that very subject: truth.
I hadn't originally planned to talk about truth this week. I considered it, but it wasn't definite until I was reading in Alma 37 the other day. In this chapter, Alma speaks of the power of truth - God's truth. Verse 9 speaks of the power of this truth, as the truth spoken in the words of the prophets had the power to bring thousands of Lamanites to repentance. Only God could create a book so full of truth that no man can dispute rightly, a book for the convincing of all mankind of Christ, written by ancient prophets with only a basic idea of its destiny. It has become a singular pillar of truth in a world where much truth has become lost.
Many these days would have you believe that there are no moral absolutes, the only true absolutes being in science,  unchangeable natural laws. But are not the laws of God unchangeable natural laws as well? For millenia, there was no question that murder is wrong, that fidelity is right, and that debt should be avoided unless completely necessary. Yet somewhere along the way, we began to decided that many of those things should be left to the individual to decide. Yes, everyone should have their own beliefs, but there are truths that are unchangeable, no matter what you believe.
The other day, I had an interesting conversation with a friend about where the morals of America have come to. He mentioned that it was ironic that the generally held belief is that polygamy, the legal marriage between one man and multiple woman, is wrong, whereas marital infidelity, while not necessarily desired, is ok, understandable, and sometimes, encouraged. What makes it better to cheat and go behind a spouse's back than to have multiple spouses that know about and approve of each other? This is not to say that either I or my friend approve of polygamy - I think that sleeping with any number of people beyond one is wrong. This is just an example of where we've gone a bit off the path. You can't have both be right. It's illogical.
We in America are generally a compassionate people. We try to make everyone happy, or at least as many as possible. We want to help...it's a large part of the foundation of the social side of liberalism. It's what makes the idea of moral relativism so appealing - everyone's happy. The thing is, we can't all be happy all the time. Nobody's life is perfect. And there are truths that we simply cannot change.
The best thing anyone can do for happiness is to learn to accept those truths as absolutes, and realize that we make our own happiness. If someone is unhappy about this, that, or the other thing, it's really their problem. We can serve them and love them, living within the truths of God, and not make everyone happy with our actions, but we cannot change someone's happiness - only they can.
I guess, in the end, I'd rather argue and learn truths with everyone than be a member of the ever changing, do what you want, moral relativist crowd. Some things are right, some things are wrong.
Blue skies.

Summer Plans

I just got on Facebook...zero interest there. I saw one of my friends posted an interesting article, but I pretty much scrolled down then deactivated my account again within 2 minutes. It's just a waste of time (for me).
I finished school for the term today, so tomorrow is the first day of my summer "vacation;" i.e. working from 5:30 am until 1:30 pm without homework to come home to. I have two months to do whatever I want...before 9. What shall I do with this ample free time so that I don't waste it reading like I really want to do?
Well, a few weeks ago in my Persuasive Writing class we talked about this fireside by Elder Dallin H. Oaks and the increasing trend towards moral relativity. During that discussion, I realized that I either didn't know where I stood on a lot of issues, or else I didn't feel that I had a strong enough foundation to support my views. When I read things online, I just take it all in, accepting what sounds good, and immediately rejecting that which I disagree with. I live in my own little Mormon bubble, where I have occasionally disagreed but have generally held to the traditionalist beliefs I was raised on without question.
I don't like that.
It's not that I want to change my beliefs...obviously I think it's all true, and it isn't really my religious beliefs I'm evaluating here. I want to learn enough about the world to be able to form those arguments I learned about in my class without having to completely find out where I stand. I want to learn about myself.
And so, every week, I hope to spend some time researching and learning about various topics then writing about that experience on here. I want to develop my own ideas, similar to back when I used to write about things like education or the internet. I don't really know what topics to choose right now though...I suppose that will be part of the process each week. Any suggestions though?
Blue skies.

These Days

It's been a few weeks now.
Well, yesterday I started the first day of working at 5:30 am every day...when I went to bed last night, the light was the same as when I woke up this morning: just enough light to change the black of night to a deep, rich starless blue. I guess I never see night that way? I love the stars too much for that to last forever. Working from 5:30 to 1:30 makes for long days, but it's not actually that bad. I just keep busy, keep going, not thinking about how long I've been there. At least I get two free meals! We get to eat the leftovers after the efy kids leave, so I got both breakfast and lunch today - which was especially good because I was so exhausted from working and studying and paper writing that cooking any more was out of the question, so I ate ice cream for dinner. Dairy, right?
I'm currently "studying" for my Music 101 final...i.e., vaguely listening to music in the background while trying to remember this particular violin concerto is Brahms. We'll see how successful that is, but hey, I'm waking up in less than eight hours for another day of work, plus two finals and various other errands.
My life is pretty uneventful right now, since I pretty much just work, sleep, and read. I do occasionally hang out with people and decide that sleep just isn't worth the time it takes...then I remember how tired I am. Thus, most of my socialization happens at work, with the various people that come in for their varying shifts while I am varying degrees of exhausted.
So Winter semester my freshman year I worked for BYU Catering, making food for events at the Skyroom restaurant in the Wilk, as well as contributing to the various stores in the Cougareat. I worked 8-12 every day, and for whatever reason I had the hardest time getting up for that (I can't even imagine why now). I would spend my shift making calzones or grilling chicken or whatever, and my boss would make fun at me because I apparently always looked depressed. I probably was depressed at that point. This week I've apparently adopted that same face again, as my supervisor has mentioned it a couple times to make fun of me. Must be something about the lack of sleep...it tends to leave a frown on my face. But life is good, it's time for sleeping. The sky is almost that shade of blue again.
Blue skies!

Goodbye Forever

Yesterday morning, I deleted my Facebook.
No, that's not true; I deactivated it. But the point is the same.
I've just been reading so much for a paper I'm writing about why things like social networking and texting hold us back from forming real relationships, as well as a number of things talking about how we should get rid of the things from our lives that distract us from our purpose. A quote from a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks that we read in Sunday School yesterday reaffirmed my decision:

Consider how we use our time in the choices we make in viewing television, playing video games, surfing the Internet, or reading books or magazines. Of course it is good to view wholesome entertainment or to obtain interesting information. But not everything of that sort is worth the portion of our life we give to obtain it. Some things are better, and others are best. When the Lord told us to seek learning, He said, “Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom” (D&C 88:118; emphasis added).

Along with my banishment of Facebook, I have been trying to spend as much time as possible away from my phone and other types of electronic media for at least an hour at a time these past few weeks. I try to take a walk every day, with nothing more high-tech than my keys to keep me company. I live next to a park, so I usually take advantage of its convenience and spend some time lying in the cool grass, alone with my thoughts.
I feel so much more free! That ever-present stress of whether or not someone wrote on my wall or sent me a text is [mostly] gone. I thought my social life would suffer, but it's actually gotten better. I'm not saying that there's a correlation between the fact that I've played Settlers of Catan three of the past four days...but then again, I would say I'm more likely to go to activities and less likely to rely on old friends to keep me company. (I still love my old friends too, don't worry!)
I'm going to admit that when I saw Hunger Games the other day, I didn't like it very much. I thought Avengers was pretty good, but not as great as I might have once. I'm just not as interested in these hours of pure entertainment. I like to think! I'd rather watch Amazing Grace than Iron Man most days.
Now, I'm not saying that everyone should think the same way I do...but there is something liberating in detaching myself from all the noise of being "connected."

Ode to Joy

Yeah, obviously the object of my previous post didn't ever happen.
Anyway.
Last week, I was kind of having a bit of a hard time with the tons of stress from work and school, along with the oppressive loneliness I sometimes get from living *essentially* alone. I just couldn't get past it for whatever reason, so finally I turned to the Lord. It's amazing how much that helps. At some point, a line from "Abide With Me" came to my mind:

Shine through the gloom, and point me to the skies!

It brought such joy to me that I still can't help but smile every time I think of it. We've been singing the song in choir this term, and we had finally sung through the entire song that very day. The crescendo in the line sung by the many beautiful voices of my choir in unison is so powerful. It reminds me of when we sang "You'll Never Walk Alone" with the line:

At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of the lark

Or you may remember my slight obsession with the sky, and the song "High Flight" we sang in Women's Chorus a few years ago.
The sky holds such freedom, and to be pointed to the sky after bursting through the gloom...the imagery is beautiful.
There are few things in this world that make me as happy as singing in choir at BYU, when all the choirs are combined during a concert and there are hundreds of gifted singers lifting their voices together in incredible power and beauty, following the hand of the director so perfectly in unison, sharing the deep emotion of the song.
One of the many experiences I look forward to the most is to be able to sing with thousands upon thousands in praise and joy, singing our best for the Lord in the choirs of Heaven. I hope I will be able to join in a choir like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, except everyone is at their prime and is fully devoted all the time. Perhaps that sort of thing won't exist, but if there were choirs of angels proclaiming the birth of Christ, I'm sure I can spend some of eternity lifting my voice with others. What a beautiful thing that would be!
Blue skies!

Escapé

This seems to be becoming a tradition in my life.
Here's the thing.
I love the internet, I really do. Sort of like this...

It's kind of a love-hate relationship relationship though.
In the past, I've taken breaks from Facebook or all the internet for a week or so. But this time...I'm going all out my friends. One month.
There's no way I can avoid the internet completely, so I will go online for school or church if I have to. I'll check my email, but only from my phone or one of Harold's computers. No Facebook, blogs, Pinterest, Twitter...nothing. Hmm I suppose that means I'll have to do some creative things with my phone...it's too smart for this.
Since I can't go all the way with my internet "fast," and I really want to take away all of the technological time wasters that keep me inside, I'm going to refrain from watching TV and movies alone, and keep from mindlessly playing games on my phone. I want to get out more, even if that just means laying in the grass for an hour instead of sitting in bed staring at a screen.
My only worry with this is how it will affect my general lack of a social life at the moment...but I figure I can go about things the old fashioned way.
Lights will go out starting on Saturday morning.
If you need me, you know how to reach me.
Blue skies.

Grown Up Land

At home last year, I was nannying a lot, but I still also had a lot of time to myself. Then I came back to school and was going to school full time, but again, I had a fair amount of free time.
Well.
Spring Term started yesterday. I know summer is supposed to be laid back and everything...but I've never been more busy and tired in my life (except last week during finals and when I started working). I'm working 25+ hours a week, starting at 7 am every morning, then working right up until I have class. Then class...go home...do homework...sleep. Eating sometimes happens in there somewhere. All I ever want to do these days is sleep. I moved into a new apartment, and I've taken to spending the few waking hours I have alone in my room, studying or watching a movie. I go to bed at 9:30 every night. Who does that? This girl, that's who. Having a social life might be easier if I was still living with people I'm friends with...and all my friends (and love interests haha) hadn't moved out of the ward. I feel like on the current track I'm taking (ie, being single and an antisocial hobbit), this is what the rest of my life is going to be like. I can see it now...after a long day of playing with little kids and teaching them to speak, I come home to my dogs and die randomly in my sleep...no one thinks it strange until they see the dogs with a couple of femurs and a tibia in the back yard.
I suppose this is the moment when I'm supposed to go out and be proactive...but I'm too tired.
Good night, moon.

Passion

I would imagine that most people in the United States generally like what they do. Of course it's not going to be great all the time, but for the most part, they like it. Sometimes, people have the opportunity to truly love their work. When these people with such great passion for their field teach, it's magical.
I just had my last Anatomy lecture. My professor this semester, Rachel Tomco, has been one of the best teachers I've had in my entire life. What makes her a great teacher isn't really her knowledge of human anatomy, or her friendliness, or the clarity of her teaching. These things certainly contribute, but there are a lot of professors at BYU that have all those traits as well. What she has brought to the class is her passion, her love, and her testimony of the divide creation of the human body. When she starts to talk about the first time she felt a lung, or just how incredible the hand is, it's infectious.
With a class that takes as much of a commitment as anatomy (4 hours of lecture and lab + open lab and study time every week), you come to either love it or hate it. Most people I've talked to tend to lean towards loving it - and I don't see how it could be any other way. With Rachel's contagious affection and the sheer beauty we saw in the cadaver lab, how can anyone resist the pull?
I believe that any class can have this effect on a [receptive] student, regardless of the subject matter, if the teacher is passionate enough. The teacher wants to share what she knows with her students because she wants to share with as many people as possible that which brings so much joy into her life. As a student, it's difficult not to get caught up in her passion, and so easy to share in it. I know when I've felt that passionate about something, it's pure joy to talk about and share. I wish all my teachers had had that same passion when I was growing up, and some of them did, but I think the added element of spirituality and testimony changes things and brings them to a higher level; It brings that passion to maturity and allows it to bloom freely. It lends it a foundation to grow and fall back on.
The combination of teaching both the spiritual and secular sides of everything is what I love most at BYU. If only every school, and aspect of life, could be this way.

"BYU seeks to develop students of faith, intellect, and character who have the skills and the desire to continue learning and to serve others throughout their lives."

And so it goes

The mountains are calling and I must go.
If only the weather (and finals) would cooperate...
It's incredible how quickly this semester has flown by. They always do, but this one seems to have gone faster than most. I immersed myself in Anatomy in January, and, after finishing the lab final a week ago, I finally have gotten around to stepping back and looking around. It was my life, my purpose, and now I'm purpose-less again. Except the four finals and voice recital I have in the next few weeks. Then, I'll move two doors down and start in on Advanced Writing & Rhetoric, University Chorale, and Music 101. I also desperately need a job to fill in the hours between. The job hunt is not going particularly well. I don't know what I'm going to do...
I've found that I'm happier when I don't ponder, dwell...think at all really. My thoughts are apparently a dark place. No, not completely. More like yin and yang I suppose, for without one you could not have the other. It's actually just like this post; Life is better when you live in the moment and focus on the beauty of now. Like the lovely daffodils growing all over the place! I love spring.
Anyway, Happy Easter all. What a wonderful celebration of the Atonement and life!
Blue skies.

Goings On

I know I'm a flake with that whole questions thing...I've been held up by the ten people who have influenced me question. I'm not sure I can come up with ten. Anyway.
Life is beautiful. Some days, I feel as though I could just laugh and skip and take everything into stride. Other days, my low days, I'm still happy...just quieter and more introspective. Today is an introspections type of day, with a few moments of sublime happiness from singing so freely in my voice lesson. I love to just let my voice out with power, something that only happens once a week in my lesson. I guess I'm just afraid of my neighbors' annoyance or appearing proud. How can I use this gift God gave me? A constant question on my mind.
These days, time just passes. I love life here at BYU but there isn't really anything momentous going on. No special events or trials. It's an in between time; the calm before...who knows. Looking back, this is kind of how I've always felt at school. Sure, there's midterms to ace and boys to chase...it just all seems to mundane. This semester, I've immersed myself in my studies, leaving little time for much else. I love everything I'm learning, especially anatomy, but I want more.
On a slight change of topic...usually, I'm vaguely attracted to various men. Rarely do I find someone I truly feel something for. When these men do come into my life, they seem to be so much better than I am. I find myself asking myself throughout the day "would ------- be doing this? would he like me if I was doing this?" It's always things that I want to better with anyway...it just kind of lends a face to the little voice telling me to do better. We're not supposed to change for someone, and yes I want someone to love me for who I am, not who I want to be. Yet we're also supposed to find someone that makes us want to be better. I guess the true miracle would be one of these men feeling the same way about me.

GYR: Sieben

7. What is your dream job, and why?


This one has certainly changed over the years for me...I've wanted to do everything from terraform Mars to teach high school math. There are still some jobs that I think sound great, like aerospace engineering, but I really love my current career path. The Communication Disorders major is just so interesting for me, since it combines so many things that I love: biology, language, puzzles, theories, the brain, speaking and singing, hearing...I just love it. Eventually I hope to work either in a hospital or in some sort of private practice doing early intervention, which is helping babies and toddlers learn to speak and overcome their language problems before they're very old. I'd love to somehow tie music into it all, especially singing, but that's just a dream.
What I really want to do with my life, for a few decades at least, is the best job in the world: mother. It's difficult and demanding both emotionally and physically, and requires no special schooling. That's not to say I won't use that schooling I have, and I hope to learn as much as I can about everything I can in order to help my children grow into wise and intelligent adults. Haha. I hope so. I figure once I get my masters I can probably do both once my kids are a little older. Once I have kids. Once I'm married. Once I get there.
So for now, I'm more than happy to be on my current path, towards what I never saw as my dream job until just recently.

GYR: Day 6

It's 11:55, so I'll try to get this posted before midnight...but it's not likely, since this is the question and I have no idea what the answer is:

6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?


There have been many trials in my life that seemed huge at the time, but now seem to have passed so quickly. I moved a lot, and that was hard, but I moved on and adjusted. Just as I've done with everything God as thrown in my path.
Oh. I know.
I can't really expound upon the specifics, but there was something that I needed to do for years and years in my life, but was too afraid to do. I was afraid of judgment, embarrassment, and pain. I was afraid of the change in my life that would come because of it - change I wanted, yet not enough to leave the comfort zone I'd created. It took me about seven years to finally take the step, to cross the fence, to take that leap of faith. And it was wonderful. My fears were for naught, and I wished I had done it years before. It was really the point in my life when I finally grew up. With the fear and pain gone, I also found something I'd lost: happiness. It's a glorious feeling, happiness. It makes that moment of difficulty worth the pain.

GYR: Slackertime

Yes, I realize it's been four days. I'm really not very good with keeping up with this sort of thing...mostly because I don't care all that much. But hey, it's something to do.


2.Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.


Fears...most of my fears are private matters, but I'd have to say I don't have many legitimate fears. I guess I'm a tad claustrophobic, most likely from being squished under laundry baskets or inside of closets with no way to get out as a child by my sister. No big deal. I kind of feel like I'm cheating here, but I honestly cannot come up with other fears (that aren't deeply personal). I'm not afraid of bugs or snakes or death or heights or clowns or being Forever Alone. Fear is the absence of faith, after all.




3. Describe your relationship with your parents.


This one is much easier! I'd say I have a pretty good relationship with my parents. I talk to my mom almost every day, just to talk about current events in my life, or politics, or just anything really. I don't have quite as close a relationship with my dad, but I'd still say it's pretty good. It's gotten better since he became a bishop, most likely due to that mantle that comes with the calling.



4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.


Haha...this one's pretty easy.

1. Be careful what you wish for.
2. Do your homework.
3. Read the Book of Mormon every day!
4. Be strong and resist temptation.
5. Kindness begins with me.
6. The internet is not a good means of communication when forming a relationship.
7. You'll move before your senior year, and try to enjoy Colorado. It's a beautiful state!
8. Let it all out and move on!
9. No drama.
10. Don't give out kisses like candy, k?

5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1. The gorgeous weather today
2. Learning
3. Can I say the weather again? If not...good books.
4. Passions
5. The Gospel

Get to Know Your Friendly Neighborhood Rachael Month: Day 1

That really needs an acronym or something... GtKYFNRM. Catchy, yet not quite right. GYR. Perfect.

Anyway, see my previous post from today for an explanation... I'll add a link or something maybe probably not.

1.List 20 random facts about yourself.

• Looking up at snow falling inexplicably puts a smile on my face.
• I'd rather sing a solo every Sunday in church than give one talk.
• I have never hiked the Y. I want to.
• I want to go back to the little town I lived in in Germany (Eppstein) so much.
• I got a 92 on my Intro to Communication Disorders test today!
• I have a love affair with the sky, both the beautiful blue of a sunny afternoon and the stars at night.
• All the Spanish I know comes from taking Spanish in the 1st and 3rd grades.
• I went to Girls' Camp in Switzerland one year.
• The year before that it was on a military base. It wasn't as cool as it sounds.
• I watched School of Rock for the first time on Monday. It was excellent.
• I read the Book of Mormon for the first time all the way through last year. I'm quickly devouring it a second time currently.
• I want to one day perform for a paying audience...by myself.
• All my birthmarks seem to have faded away.
• I think cadavers are cool.
• I play as Luigi on Mario Kart, riding the Standard Bike M. I dare you to race me.
• I cook because I like good food, not necessarily for the love of cooking.
• I can count to 5 in English, German, ASL, Spanish, French, and Japanese.
• I want to have a gigantic garden and live in the mountains in the future.
• I had to take the second half of the New Testament three times. It's hard to go to that class...
• I'd rather drink water than soda.

This project actually kind of reminds me of another blog I had for a little bit...

Because I Would Like to Post More on This Blog

I don't write on here enough. So I'm going to steal a list of questions from here and answer them every day for a few weeks. We'll call it...get to know your friendly neighborhood Rachael month. It's real.

THE LIST:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Here Comes the Sun

So many people have the mindset "I'll be happy when..."

Even more people say that we shouldn't have that particular mindset.

Anyway.

I'd like to tell you about a mindset I've come to have after many many years of waiting for happiness.

I'm happy with life. I am :) I love school and learning and who I am today because of my past successes, but mostly my past failures. I wouldn't have grown without them, and I'm certainly not done growing now.

So back to my new take on life...if it's imperfect, well, so am I.

I am happy, but x would still be great to have.

Is that cheating?

Probably.

Why am I writing each sentence on a new line?

I don't know.

It's amazing what exhaustion can do to the mind.

My mind anyway...

Blue skies

February

One reason I never post on here anymore is I'm not really sure who's reading this.
Another reason is I'm lazy.
I also tend to forget about it.
Somewhere along the way, I heard that the best ideas come from being bored. I kind of always knew that, since my best ideas always came in the shower of course. Lack of "boredom" is, in my opinion, the reason people aren't coming up with as much creative innovations as in centuries past. Why be bored when I can play Mr. Bounce on my computer for the nth time? Anyway, a good example of ideas coming from boredom can my found in blog archives...my posts on education, the internet, and culture (written during my sojourn at home) are excellent ramblings of a bored mind. I'm writing right now out of boredom! I guess the reason I brought this up is to explain why my posts have been lacking in both number and content: I'm rarely bored anymore. When I am, I place mindless Flash games or read the Wheel of Time since usually I just want to escape from my life and my thoughts.
Soooo I'll give some updates for the great unknown audience:
School is cool. Haha. But really. I LOVE my major. It's so fascinating, even anatomy. Especially anatomy? Maybe. It keeps my time filled, which is good for the most part. For the first month or so, I was content just to go to school, do my homework, study, read, sleep, and watch movies and tv shows, mostly keeping to myself. My sister rarely talks to me, but she has her own group of friends and that's who Emily is, so I'm ok with that.
I don't know if you've ever seen this, but it's very true, especially for me this semester:

I originally chose grades and sleep over friends, since most of my friends have moved one from the BYU bubble for now, and I was happy with that. I am happy with that! After a few weeks, I decided hey, I should make an effort to be friends with my roommates and their friends that are over at our apartment all the time. I can do it. I'll even try more than I usually do to be friendly and open (as compared to rarely trying). We're supposed to live out of our comfort zone, right? Well, I've been trying. Putting myself out there, coming out of my lair room to talk to people. Generally being my sarcastic, happy self. It's taking a while...I can only force myself to be so comfortable with people, and I certainly can't force them to do anything. 

Darn it. This is almost turning into one of the depression rants of the old days.

Hmm...well, eventually it'll happen. One of my goals in life is to become an excellent conversationalist. Practice makes perfect! :) And this week I'll be busy studying for my anatomy lab midterm, woohoo! Busy busy busy.

Blue skies

Happy Day

This has been a wonderful 24 hours, my friends.

Last night, my sister and I went and spent the evening at our cousins' (newly married cousin + husband), which was so fun. I love spending time with my family! We're all so alike, it's great.

I had an appointment with a counselor today, and while I'm getting kind of tired of all the meetings with counselors and such, the (male) receptionist was pretty good looking!

I had lunch with Jenae, my former roommate of two years, which was so much fun. I love catching up with her, and it's nice to have a friend these days.

I did pretty well on my ASL practical today (I think), and it was way nice to be able to come home early. Our home teachers came today and so they taught us in the fort that's currently in our living room. Funny story - one of them is an Anatomy TA, so he gave me a bunch of stuff to help with anatomy this week. What are the chances of that? So crazy. I guess I know where to go if I need help, especially since it's his priesthood duty :)

Anyway, I'm just in such a great mood, I thought I'd share!

Blue skies

Bodies

"The Cadaver Lab"
Those three words were enough to instill fear in my heart the past few years. I always thought I'd avoid those rooms, since none of my majors of choice had anything to do with Anatomy.
I should have known better.
This past Thursday, I saw a cadaver for the first time. More than one actually, up close and personal.
First off, the smell was awful. Not quite as bad as formaldehyde, but close. My groups studied the muscles of the arm first, so on our table were two disembodied arms. One guy kept saying they were making him hungry because they looked like steak (his words, not mine). Food was the farthest thing from my mind...although I thought they looked more like pulled pork.
The thing is, thinking of those arms as pieces of meat instead of arms that were once a part of a living, breathing human being was really the only way to deal with it. When we got to the cadavers themselves, I tried to keep that mindset. It felt so disrespectful, but I'm pretty sure vomiting would have been worse. Just the knowledge that these people had been alive and kicking just a few years ago, even while I've been a student here.
On a less morbid thought, it is pretty cool that we have a cadaver lab here. Apparently, most undergraduate programs and even some medical schools don't have a cadaver lab - and ours is the biggest undergraduate lab in the country.
I'm still not convinced I totally need this entire course for my major though...

School Days

School has been in session almost two weeks now. It's certainly been an adjustment, considering what kind of student I was before I left. I'm not entirely sure taking anatomy my first semester back was the best idea in the world, considering just how much dedication is required with that class. I know I can do it, it's just kind of difficult to memorize the MANY different holes, pieces, and surfaces of the skull in a week - especially when there's a three-day weekend with a wedding in the middle.
Anyway, life's good. Things aren't particularly eventful in my neck of the woods, but I figured I'd give an update anyway.
Blue skies

Winter

After trying to decide on a major for my first two years of school, I left thinking it would end up being something I have to settle on - liking it a decent amount, but never really happy about it, let alone excited. Then I changed my major to Communication Disorders, start the semester, and wow! I know this is only the second week of the semester, but I just love the classes. It's all so interesting and talking about the career opportunities really makes me excited for the future I can have with this degree. Yes, I really have to go to grad school, but that's ok. It's not like I have any plans to do anything else right now - I really just have to get my grades up.

Anatomy is going to be alright, though I'm NOT excited to work with the cadavers. Honestly, I've never seen a dead person before so...yay...

Sign Language is fun, but I doubt I'll really remember a whole lot once it's done. I pick it up alright, though it makes me long for German again - where I can actually talk! I'm really glad I'm not deaf or mute.

In other news, there is no snow. There have been a few flurries, but nothing of substance. I'm starting to miss all of the snow in Colorado! My roommates are nice and fairly normal if a bit on the LOUD side. Holy guacamole they're loud. I really like the apartment though, especially having only three roommates. Seems more homey that way.

Tomorrow, Emily and I are driving down to St. George/Las Vegas for my cousin's wedding. It's weird that my cousin (who is two years younger than I am) is getting married, though not entirely surprising. I think that sort of thing kind of runs in the family - her mom got married at 19 as well.

Anyway, good sailing and blue skies!

It's the End of the World as We Know it

Random observation -- Most of the people at the Wilk At 9:30 on the day before school starts are either male or asian (or both). I think this says something about returned missionaries and the penchant of non-RM students (who are mostly female) to sleep in whenever they possiblyt can (like my roommates).
Anyway.
It's 2012 - A year I always thought was so far away. Well, now it's here. I started it with driving out to Utah with my sister on New Year's day.
Discoveries from this trip: try not to be on I-70 when the sun is setting, since you're driving directly into the sun at that point. Maneuvering around semis while going 80 mph and with extremely low visibility is not exactly fun. Also, even though one might have the desire to find geocaches at certain rest stops, you must have service to load and find said geocaches.
Now I'm at BYU, a student again after over a year and a half at home. My roommates are alright, kinda loud and obnoxious as college girls tend to be. But they're nice, so it shouldn't be too bad living with them.
It's sad to leave and weird to be here, which is about all I can say to describe it.
Since it's the new year, I figured I'd make some resolutions. I thought of some the other night...but I can't really remember them at the moment.

• Eat healthy
• Act healthy
• Sleep healthy
• Do something I don't want to every day (although getting up in the morning typically qualifies)
• Get at least one Geocache a week
• Go on at least one hike every month
• Be friendly
• Act happy
• Save money
• Study
• Do ALL homework
• Raise my GPA by at least 1.0
• Get into BYU Singers
• Stay organized
• Use less computer
• Read non-textbooks at least half an hour a day
• Study scriptures at least half an hour a day
• Finish the BoM
• "be wise and diligent in [my] search for an eternal companion"
• Exercise on M/W mornings
• Go to school without any loans in the Fall

I'm sure there are plenty more goals I could come up with, but this will work for now. 

Happy New Year, good luck and God bless you.